


Family Texts

by Akan_Abrun



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Angst, M/M, Spanish, Texting, messaging
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-01-08 00:02:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 19
Words: 12,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12243180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akan_Abrun/pseuds/Akan_Abrun
Summary: A collection of texts between the group chat of Beth, Morty, Summer, and Rick, and of private texts between them.Summer finds out about Rick’s attraction to Morty, and tries to figure out what the fuck to do with that.(I’m horrible at summaries)





	1. Creating the fam chat

**Author's Note:**

> NOTE:  
> -~-~ this suggests the amount of time that’s passed. The longer it is, the more time has passed (not like days, just more hours or whatever).  
> \- this means that very little or no time has passed, its just a separator.

Group Chat: Beth, Morty, Rick, Summer

>Beth set group chat name to ‘Family Chat’<

Beth: I’m making this group chat because this family needs to communicate more

Morty: wow, cool idea mom

Summer: this is so lame -.-

Morty: can i invite dad?

Beth: umm...

Beth: No, that wouldn’t be a good idea

Rick: For fuck’s sake, Beth, we all know that you saw this chat idea on some Hallmark feel-good movie, and you decided that it might work out for us.

Morty: Uh, i didnt know that??

Rick: Nobody invites Jerry to this chat. I already don’t want to be included in this, Jerry would make it hell.

Beth: Were not inviting him, dad.

Beth: So how was everyones day? ;)

Summer: omg r we really doing this

Morty: my day was good, mom! U?

Beth: my day was nice, morty, thank you for asking.

Rick: Spent the day fixing my cheese ray. SOMEBODY broke it, and I had to go all the way to my fleeb dealer to get more shit to fix it.

Morty: Sorry, rick... i didn’t know that it couldn’t make swiss cheese yet..

Rick: Why the FUCK did you even need Swiss cheese, Morty?! Nobody eats that shit.

Summer: swiss is good on like sandwiches and stuff

Beth: Speaking of food, what do you guys want for dinner? I’m leaving work now so I can pick something up on my way home

Rick: Pizza

Rick: I vote pizza.

Morty: pizza sounds good

Rick: You bet your sorry ass it does, Morty.

Summer: can you get half with pineapple

Rick: Beth if I find even one piece of pineapple on that pizza, I will blow up the pizza place.

Beth: how about 1 with pineapple and 1 without

Rick: You people who like pineapple on pizzas are abominations. No offense, Summer.

Summer: None taken, asshole.

Rick: Bitch

Beth: Dad!

Morty: has anyone seen the orange juice?

Rick: Drank it. 

Morty: :,(

Beth: I’ll get more orange juice

Morty: thx mom!

Rick: Morty, you text like a girl.

Morty: ? I dont kno wat that means ??

Rick: You’re super expressive and your grammar is shit. It’s super unattractive when guys do it.

Morty: oh

Summer: lots of boys text like that

Rick: Yeah, and what are they like, Summer? 200 schmeckles says they’re gay, stupid, or douchey.

Morty: whats wrong with being gay ?

Rick: Nothing, Morty. Fuck, is there something you’re trying to tell us?

Summer: grandpa, you said it like being gay is a bad thing

Rick: You guys do realize that I’ve seen more than you can ever imagine. I’ve been to cultures where it’s customary to fuck your family, I didn’t judge them and I’m not judging now.

Summer: wow, rick, is there something ur trying to tell us?

Rick: what the fuck is that supposed to mean, Summer?

Summer: oh nothing, u just forget how observant I am!

Morty: um, what’s hapneing?

Morty: happening* oops

Rick: Don’t worry about it, Morty. SUMMER doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

Beth: I got the pizza and juice. Also got a 48 pack of dr pepper, they were on sale.

Beth: or dr thunder, whTever the generic name is

Rick: It’s Dr. Dynamite.

Morty: isnt dr thunder a comic character?

Rick: Why don’t you ask someone who gives a shit?

Morty: wow rude rick!

Beth: I’ll be home in 5, now stop arguing please.

-

Private Chat: Rick and Summer

Rick: What the fuck was that, Summer?

Summer: oh what was what, grandpa? :)

Rick: Don’t play dumb. What have you been “observing”?

Summer: You look at Morty like he’s meat lmfao

Rick: ... what gives you that fucking impression?

Rick: and you seem like you’re okay with that?? What the fuck, Summer?

Summer: Jfc rick calm ur tits

Summer: I was joking but ur getting REALLY defensive about it

Summer: I mean u do look at morty weird when hes nt looking but i didnt really think anything of it

Summer: until now? So what r u saying rick?

Rick: Summer I don’t even know what YOU’RE saying. 

Summer: ok rick


	2. Chapter 2

Private Chat: Morty and Rick

Rick: Are you up?

Rick: We’re going on an adventure.

Rick: Wake up

Morty: geezz rick it 3

Rick: Wake up and get down here, Morty.

Morty: do i hav time to shower?

Rick: No, throw on some clothes and get the hell down here.

Rick: Bring the orange juice

Rick: You know what, bring a few cans of soda instead.

Rick: if there’s coffee in the pot bring me some

Morty: I’m not your slave, rick!!

Morty: do u want creamer in the coffee

Rick: What kind do we have?

Morty: pumkin spice, or theres maple vanilla

Rick: Christ, just bring it to me black.

Morty: kk ill be there in a sec

Rick: grab the leftover pizza

Morty: >:( not enough hands

Rick: If you’re able to text then you’re able to carry pizza. Do it.

-~-~

Family Chat

Summer: can some1 (not morty) help me w hw??

Morty: :(

Rick: You’re better off not doing it. Doing homework is just another step to conforming to the capitalist agenda.

Beth: what subject?

Summer: math

Beth: you’re best bet is Rick, then

Rick: It’s “your”

Summer: Can u help me, grandpa? Pls??

Rick: I’m a little bit busy

Summer: rly

Summer: wow guess ill have to ask Morty

Summer: maybe he and i will have a deep conversation about idk family values or smth

Morty: um i guess??

Rick: Fuck it, I’ll be up there in a few minutes.

Morty: I dont undrstand what just happened?

Rick: Of course you don’t, Morty. This is something that’s far too complex for your little mind to even grasp onto.

Morty: :(

Summer: don’t worry about it, bro. ;)

Morty :((

-~-~-~

Private Chat: Rick and Summer

Rick: Summer, you need to stop insinuating these things. Morty won’t get off my ass.

Summer: but don’t u like that??

Rick: Summer. I am being serious. Stop.

Summer: u dont get to make demands here. UR the sick 1 !

 

Summer: rick? 

Summer: ok im srry for calling you sick

Summer: tbh im over it already. I mean I was shocked but... idk how to explain. I think it’s fucked up still, but it just... it makes sense, you know? 

 

Summer: dinner’s ready

 

Summer: grandpa if u dont answer me im gonna come down there

Rick: Goodnight Summer.

Summer: i rly didn’t mean to say you were sick

 

Summer: Gn grandpa


	3. Chapter Tres

Private Chat: Morty and Summer

Summer: hey bro

Morty: Hey sum sum

Summer: so like

Summer: how do you feel about rick

Morty: um idk ? He’s cool i guess?

Morty: i mean I don’t like it when he yells at me

Summer: do you like anyone rn?

Morty: um no not really

Summer: not really?

Summer: what about jessica?

Morty: jessica was, idk,, like just a fantasy i guess

Morty: idk shes kinda a bitch

Morty: Why r u asking me this? I thought you didnt like talking about this stuff w me

Summer: I dont, but im curious now I guess.. youre sure you don’t like anyone??

Morty: I mean there is someone.. but i won’t say who

Summer: tell meee

Morty: no! Theyll never like me like that anyway

Summer: they? Ppl only say they when they’re self concsious about the gender. Do u like a guy? Who??

Morty: geez summer ok its a guy but im still not telling who

Summer: why not??

Morty: bc its not important bc he diesng feel the same and never will

Morty: doesn’t*

-

Family Chat

Rick: ¿Cuándo cenaremos?

Beth: 8

Summer: but how do you KNOW he doesn’t like you Morty

Summer: oh shit wrong chat

Morty: Summer!!!! 

Summer: sorry morty 

Beth: Morty? Do you like a boy??

Beth: I’m totally okay with that, btw. I love you no matter what! <3

Morty: thanks mom

Beth: so who is it?

Morty: who is who ?

Beth: the boy you like!!!!

Summer: >_> ...

Morty: ? <_< ?

Morty: um, i wont say

Beth: ),:

Morty: sorry 

Rick: ¿Qué tendremos para la cena?

Beth: pasta

Morty: ? 

Summer: ??

Beth: he wanted to know what we’re having for dinner

Summer: couldnt he have asked in English?

Beth: he’s convinced that ill forget spanish if he doesn’t use it with me occasionally 

Morty: we should all learn spanish!

Summer: pass. i took spanish 1 and 2 in high school and i forgot all of it as soon as i was out

Summer: i don’t wanna get back into it

Beth: it can help you get a job! And it’s a great cultural experience

Summer: right bc, Speaking another language with my white af family is such an amazing cultural experience

Morty: I think it would be cool

Beth: I’ll teach you some, Morty. ;)

Morty: thanks mom!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: I’ve only been learning Spanish for 4 years so I apologize for any mistakes I make!


	4. gross; delicious

Family Chat

Beth: Do you guys wanna go to Denny’s for dinner?

Rick: Fuck yes! I’ve been craving burgers all week.

Morty: sounds good

Summer: I’m down with that

Beth: Meet downstairs in 10 minutes and we’ll leave

-~

Private Chat: Morty and Rick

Morty: Rick if you kick me under the table one more time, im going to throw my soda at you!!!

Rick: No idea what you’re talking about.

Morty: >:(

Rick: Let go of my foot, Morty!

Morty: No, I think ill keep it there.

Rick: What, do you like having my foot wedged between your legs?

Morty: you didnt have to make it into something dirty :| 

Rick: You’re the one gripping my foot with your knees. Be grateful I’m not calling you out out loud.

Morty: fine ill let go... if you give me ur fries

Rick: Fuck you, Morty. Keep my foot, I’m keeping these fries.

Morty: D:

-

Private Chat: Rick and Summer

Summer: r u blushing??

Summer: and who r u texting?

Rick: I’m texting Morty 

Summer: so THATS why ur blushing ;)

Rick: I’m not blushing. Don’t make it into something dirty.

Summer: its ok, Mortys blushing too!!

Rick: He’s always blushing.

Summer: ;;;)))

-~-~-~

Family Chat

Beth: sorry if I wake you guys up with this text, but there’s an emergency at the hosp. I’m leaving in a few min

Morty: ok!

Summer: great now Im awake thNks

Morty: rick and I are downstairs watching ball fondlers if you wanna join sum 

Summer: im sooo tired... if I cant sleep then ill come down there

Beth: don’t you have school tomorrow Morty?? It’s almost midnight!

Rick: Geez Beth way to be a Debbie Downer 

Beth: >:|

Morty: oh geez, I’ll go to bed in, like, an hour 

Beth: Hm.

-~

Private Chat: Rick and Summer

Summer: Do you care if I come watch tv w you and Morty

Rick: Free country 

Summer: ya but I didn’t know if you wanted some alone time w him

Rick: Jesus fucking Christ, Summer.

Rick: We’re not some love-drunk couple of kids. We’re grandpa and grandson.

Summer: ugh, don’t remind me. I’ll be down in a sec.

 

Summer: [New Picture Message! Content title: Sleeping Morty leaning against Rick]

Rick: gross

Rick: is he drooling?

Summer: ur text says “gross” but your face says “delicious”

Rick: don’t make me hurt you

Summer: <3


	5. no shiattt

Private Chat: Rick and Summer

Rick: Summer, I have a serious question.

Summer: wow, sounds scary

Summer: go ahead

Rick: Don’t you think it’s fucked up that I have these feelings about Morty?

Summer: yes

Summer: BUT

Summer: like I said before, it makes sense. Ur Morty’s only friend. And in every universe, one of the only common things is the fact there’s always a rick and a Morty together going on adventures.

Summer: plus arent there infinite possibilities or whatever with the other universes?? Aren’t there universes where you guys are together??

Rick: Yeah, and universes where you and I get together.

Summer: ok vomit

Rick: Agreed

Summer: anyway, at first it scared me. Bc you’re totally a pedophile lol. But as time past I just saw how you interact w Morty and how he loves you, and it just... I think it’s sweet.

Summer: don’t get me wrong, it’s fucked up and rly creepy and if I hadn’t been seen so much shit in the adventures I’ve been on with you guys, I probably wouldn’t be so ok with it. 

Summer: but all those adventures made me realize that anything is possible. If you 2 find love together, then go for it. Love is nice 

Rick: Whoa there, I don’t think we should be throwing around the L word.

Summer: literally rolling my eyes rn

-

Family Chat

Morty: can someone please help me with chemistry hw??

Morty: I’m about to throw it out la ventana

Morty: spanish ;)

Summer: you can’t deny that you love him at least, grandpa rick. It can’t just be sexual. 

Summer: DAMMIT MORTY YOU MADE THIS CHAT MOVE TO THE TOP OF MY CHAT LIST

Summer: THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS WHEN SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHING

Morty: umm sorry?? Geez

Morty: rick, you love a guy???

Rick: Summer was talking to a different Rick.

Morty: she said grandpa rick

Rick: a different grandpa Rick 

Morty: >.>

Morty: aaaaaanyway I wasn’t kidding about needing help with hw

Summer: I failed chem so

Morty: can you help me rick? Please?

Rick: Busy.

Morty: PLEASE rick?? I have a big test tomorrow and I still don’t get it...

Rick: sounds like a personal fucking problem Morty.

Morty: ...

Morty: ok, sorry...

 

Beth: WTF HAPPENED WHILE I WAS IN SURGERY???

Beth: Dad? I didn’t know you liked a guy! Is everyone in this family turning gay? Summer??

Summer: No, girls are too bitchy for me. I like dick.

Beth: tmi, but, Dad??

Beth: (good job with spanish, Morty!)

Morty: (gracias!!)

Summer: Rick just left in his space ship -.-

Morty: but my homework!!??

Beth: I’ll see if I can help you, Morty. Had to learn a lot of chemistry to be a doctor. :)

Morty: gee thanks Mom!!! 

-~-~-

Private Chat: Rick and Summer

Summer: sorry about earlier...

 

Summer: Rick? You there?

Summer: Morty and mom haven’t said anything about earlier

Summer: I think they let it go

 

Summer: please don’t be mad

 

Rick: We’re done.

Summer: huh?

Rick: nnot talking bout anythign wthyou anymre. cant risk it slipping out to thrns . 

Rick: theje 

Rick: fukxj dme

Summer: are you drunk?

Rick: no shiattt

Summer: talk to me when ur sober, ok?

Rick: f u


	6. get dat dick

Family Chat

Rick: Nobody touch or share food with Morty for the next week.

Rick: And don’t let him breathe on you.

Morty: :(

Beth: Why? What happened?

Rick: He caught a Flaxian cold.

Rick: It’ll take about a week until he can talk again.

Morty: The rashes wont scar will they?

Rick: I told you already, the purple ones will disappear in a few days, and the green ones will go away after a week or so.

Summer: wtf ew don’t get me sick!!! 

Beth: How did you even get sick?

Morty: pls dont tell them

Rick: I told you that I’d tell them if they asked.

Rick: It’s actually pretty fucking hilarious. 

Rick: Beth you sure raised up a real fucking moron. Little dumb ass.

Morty: It was a misunderstandig rick!!!

Morty: i thiught he told me to lick the bench!!!

Rick: I said “look at that wench” you dillrod

Morty: who says wench anymore???

Rick: I’m OLD Morty.

Rick: Anyway, we were in a bar to meet up with some Flaxian dude who was supposed to set me up with some dorsh. There was a woman (?) with like five tits, so I said “Morty, look at that wench!”

Rick: When I looked back, the fucking moron was making out with some damn wooden bench.

Beth: LOL HONEY

Summer: LMFAOOO MORTY OMFG

Morty: it was an honest mistake :(

Rick: Okay why the FUCK would you just go and lick a bench anyway?

Morty: cuz I thought you wanted me to

Morty: i trust you i guess? 

Rick: well don’t

Beth: Yeah, even I don’t trust him that much.

Morty: ok guys geez :/

-~-

Family Chat

Morty: can someone pass me the salt ?

Summer: why don’t you ask out loud

Summer: oh right nvm lol u can’t talk

Morty: :/

Morty: thanks mom

Rick: Maybe we should all go mute to respect Morty’s situation

Morty: gee rick, thats nice of you!

Summer: you just dont want to hear any of our voices bc we annoy you

Rick: Regardless of the reason, I think that it is a good idea.

Morty: wait so u dont care about respecting me???

Rick: Morty

Rick: you licked a bench

Rick: you’re a loooOOOng way from gaining my respect

Morty: ok fair

Morty: when can I stop wearing gloves

Rick: Few days.

Morty: great 

-~-~

Private Chat: Morty and Rick

Morty: hey rick 

Rick: Busy.

Morty: i cant move my legs

Rick: oh yeah hahaha I forgot to mention that

Rick: You’ll be mostly paralyzed at night. Should wear off soon. 

Morty: how soon ??

Rick: Fuck, Morty, I don’t know. 6-8 hours?

Morty: i cant wait that long

Morty: i rly rly gotta pee

Rick: wow Morty that’s harsh

Rick: get some diapers hahaha

Morty: rick can u just help me pls

Rick: Ask Summer or your mother

Morty: I did! They’re both asleep :(

Morty: trust me i dont want you undressing me either!!

Rick: WHY would I have to undress you?

Morty: I cant move my arms

Morty: my fingers are fine but my arms won’t move

Rick: Jesus Christ

Rick: you know what

Rick: just

Rick: I’ll be there in a minute

Morty: thanks rick geez you’re a life saver!

-~-~-~-~

Private Chat: Morty and Summer

Morty: hey summer ?

Summer: Yeah mort?

Morty: What if I... like someone who is... related

Summer: morty if you say you have a crush on me i will go to your room and punch your dick back into your body

Morty: omg summer WTF??

Morty: oh geez

Morty: I already told u its a guy

Summer: so... dad? LOL ur so like him 

Morty: um i take offense to that ? 

Morty: no it isnt dad

Morty: even worse

Morty: wait u seem oddly ok with me even saying this??

Summer: morty ive seen so much shit dealing with u and rick already like nothing surprises me anymore

Summer: literally whoever you like wont even shock me

Morty: rick 

Summer: i knew it

Morty: WHAT?!!! What do u mean????

Summer: you are too ovvioos

Summer: obvious* wow

Morty: ok im not even gonna ask but something rly RLY embrassing haopened last night

Summer: morty i dont wanna know about ur sex dreams

Morty: i wish it was a dream!!!

Summer: oh boy what happened

Morty: so i was kinda paralized from this cold last night so i couldn’t stand or move really but i had to pee

Summer: LOL is that why u called me like 3 times 

Morty: yes -.-

Morty: anyway i asked rick to help and eventialy he said he would so when he pulled down my pants and underwear i got a boner D:

Summer: ok hold on morty 

Summer: why was rick pulling down ur pants ?????

Morty: I couldnt move!!!!!

Summer: and u just got a boner from that?????

Morty: I CANT CONTROL IT ),:

Summer: LMFAO MORTY

Morty: I can hear you laughing all the way from upstairs 

Summer: WHAT DIDNRICK DOOO OMFG

Morty: he burst out laughing :(

Summer: AGAHAHAHAH I WOULD TOO THATS HILARIOUS

Summer: I mean I would laugh and then I would punch you but lmao that is so funny

Morty: its embrassing!!!! Im afraid rick is mad ?

Summer: lol Morty calm down, he was a kid once, he probs knows how easy it is for u to get aroused

Morty: but he won’t look at me

Morty: How are you still laughing!!!???

Summer: ITS FUNNY MORTY!!! LOL

Summer: I’m dead lmao

Summer: im sure itll be fine morty srsly just dont even worry about it

Morty: :/

Summer: <3


	7. Green ass, purple dick

Family Chat

Rick: Beth, ven.

Beth: donde??

Rick: casa

Beth: ... rick estoy trabajando

Rick: entonces...?

Beth: ENTONCES no puedo salir del trabajo

Rick: Morty necesita ayuda

Beth: con qué????

Morty: why are you saying my name??

Morty: whTs happeneing?

Rick: No puede caminar, y no lo quiero ayudar

Beth: do it anyway

Morty: ???

Beth: your grandfather wants me to leave work to help you

Morty: im fine? I mean i cant walk but yknow

Rick: I don’t wanna be responsible for carting him around

Morty: Geez rick im sorry

Morty: maybe u could try making a cure or something for this??

Rick: well, MORTY, I’ve been TRYING to whip something up, but you keep whining at me like I’m your fucking servant

Morty: :) its nice tho, having u help me

Morty: i feel so loved

Rick: I should make a robot to help you

Morty: that would be cool!!

Rick: Jesus do you want me to do that or work on a damn cure

Morty: i core cure

Morty: vote* oops

Rick: Okay.

Morty: I need to poop

Rick: fuck me

Summer: >_>

Beth: >__>

Morty: >>____>>

Rick: <...<

Rick: <..~

Summer: omfg

-

Private Chat: Rick and Summer

Summer: so hows it goin w mortys boners

Rick: It’s fucking hell

Rick: wait how do you know about that

Summer: Lol, he told me about it

Rick: I thought you and I agreed that we weren’t going to talk about this anymore.

Summer: um, no, YOU decided to be a little bitch about it

Summer: anyway mortys worries ur mad at him

Rick: how would you feel if every time you put him on the toilet he popped a hard one

Rick: like fuck 

Summer: its for u tho isnt it ???

Rick: I doubt it. Kids his age can get boners over fruit.

Summer: lol

-~-~-~

Family Chat

Rick: Okay guys

Rick: I’m sick now too

Morty: sorry again rick

Rick: Dumbass over there decided to sneeze in my face

Morty: I couldn’t lift my arms so I wasn’t able to cover my face!!!

Summer: WHY were your faces so close anyway???

Rick: I was undressing him

Summer: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Rick: for a BATH

Beth: why else would you undress him???

Beth: am I missing something?????

Morty: ^ ??

Rick: anyway, I’m sick, so don’t touch me. I’ll be in my lab trying to find this fucking cure still.

Beth: Whos gonna take care of you guys during the day??

Summer: I have school

Rick: hire a maid

Beth: haha go ahead

Rick: nvm I don’t want some stranger carrying me around and taking me to the bathroom

Morty: see??? Its embrassing!!!

Rick: for the last time Morty it’s spelled “embarrassing”

Morty: whatever!

Rick: I’ll call Birdperson :)

Morty: I mean i trust him over a stranger i guess

Rick: you bet your green ass

Morty: don’t make fun of my rashes! They suck!!

Rick: Morty I have a rash covering my dick so you don’t get to complain

Morty: TMI RICK

Summer: AGREED TMI

Beth: im in a family of idiots...


	8. Drug = lyfe

Family Chat

Rick: GEUSS WHOGOT SUM POOOOOWWEDDDEERFRR

Beth: dad, please dont use this chat for your imbibed ramblings 

Rick: no

Rick: beht yOU GOT ANTHER THIg comin

Rick: not alcohol. This. Htis is goodshiitt

Rick: [New Picture Message! Content title: FUCKIN DRUGZ $$]

Morty: um ?? why is squanchy in the background throwing up on someone?

Summer: omg rick where even are you

Rick: AT A PAAAAARRTTTTAaaaaAAAAYYY

Summer: wow, you’re at a party and all you can think to do is text your family

Summer: You’re not even a good partier

Rick: Uh excuuusse you I HAVE a dance named afte me

Rick: fuckkersssss I usd to be in aBAND

Beth: I thought that you were going to stop doing drugs.

Rick: soooolo tu casA was the arrrrranvemtbt

Rick: areangembt

Rick: fuckc kt 

>Beth has removed Rick Sanchez from Family Chat<

Summer: THANK YOU ugh I swear he’s so annoying when he’s like this

Beth: I’ll add him back when he’s sober.

Morty: kind of mean tho wasnt it? :/

Summer: then YOU talk to him morty 

-

Private Chat: Morty and Rick

Rick: that biitbc deleted ME

Morty: sorry rick... they think your annoying when your like this

Rick: You’re* x2

Morty: Geez even when YOURE high af you can correct my grMmar 

Rick: cuuuuz you textlike a 3 yera old

Morty: :| 

Rick: mort

Morty: ric

Rick: HA NICEE ONE

Rick: anywaY

Rick: what do youthink about your me

Morty: my you??

Rick: f u im trippin so hard like my thumbs feel like giant fuckin beeez

Morty: maybe u should lay off the drugs??

Rick: drug = lyfe

Morty: drug = death

Rick: morbid

Rick: Misterr Morbid Mortyy 

Morty: yeah thats me

Morty: maybe you should go to sleep or smth

Rick: do you hate me

Rick: nvm youre tooooooooo niceto hate someone

Rick: would you hate me if i toldyou my scret

Morty: uhhh depends on what your secret is? I guess ?

Rick: youvknow i like someone 

Morty: um, yeah, from that one time summer accidently said so in the family chat 

 

Morty: you there?

 

Morty: hope your ok,, dont overdo it

Morty: you’re* sorry

 

-~-~-~-

Family Chat

>Beth has added Rick Sanchez to Family Chat<

Rick: thanks honey

Beth: Having a good morning, Rick? ;)

Rick: HA HA SO FUNNY BETH WHERE DID YOU LEARN YOUR PRESTIGIOUS COMEDIC ABILITIES

Summer: wow mom need some ice

Beth: -__-

Rick: Can somebody bring me some orange juice

Beth: At work

Summer: At school

Morty: at school 

Rick: fuck me

Beth: >_>

Summer: >v>

Morty: >o>

Beth: Summer why does your face look pleased??

Beth: am I missing something ???

Beth: oh my god

Beth: summer and rick??

Beth: you guys have been meeting privately a lot??????

Summer: WTF MOM R U TRYING TO SAY

Rick: Gross, Beth.

Rick: Get your head out of the gutter.

Rick: How could you accuse me of doing something like that with your daughter??

Summer: dont get too self righteous rick

Rick: wow Summer look at you using big girl words

Beth: then WHY do you guys keep meeting secretly?? And I see you guys texting each other a lot?

Summer: Ffs mom am I not allowed to spend time with grandpa???? He and Morty go around the whole universe doing random things and you don’t even care

Rick: Beth, you know when I said you were smart? Don’t make me take that back.

Rick: I’m into some weird shit, but Summer is the last person in this family I would fuck.

Rick: You and Summer I mean. Absolutely at the bottom of the no fuck list.

Rick: the bottom meaning even though its a no fuck list, I would rather fuck everybody above you in the list.

Rick: not even in this family, like if I had a choice between fucking either of you and being damned to an eternal hell (like Jerry daycare), I would choose hell in a heartbeat.

Morty: dont you mean mom, Summer, and me?

Rick: right

Summer: LMFAO OUTED

Beth: I was just joking earlier btw

Beth: I’m going into surgery in a minute. Ttyl

Summer: oh awkward that discussion was all for nothing

Morty: why was I left out of that list? 

Morty: do i really mean so little to you rick that im not even on the list??

Summer: morty save your self pitying for pm pls

Summer: mom and i dont want to hear it

Rick: What makes you think I want to hear it?

Summer: ~..>

Rick: v...v

Morty: ;-;

-

Private Chat: Morty and Rick

Morty: so i dont even make your list? :( wtf rick am i just dirt to you that you consider fucking your own kid but not me

Rick: Morty you’re the dumbest piece of shit.

Rick: You REALLY need to read better.

Morty: ????

Rick: Jesus CHRIST

Rick: Morty, it’s a NO Fuck list.

Rick: If you’re not on the NO fuck list, WHERE do you think you are?

Rick: Yeah think about that in your puny little moron brain

Rick: Mientras estás en escuela haciendo nada

Morty: ?

Rick: “While you’re in school doing nothing”

Morty: :/ I still don’t understand

Morty: wait

Morty: does that mean I’m on your YES fuck list???

Morty: Rick????

Rick: Told you to figure it out yourself.

Morty: >___>

Rick: <___~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW WOW WOW GUYS THANK YOU ALL SOOOO MUCH FOR THE COMMENTS!!!!
> 
> Honestly I planned on this fic being a LOT shorter and more straight forward, but I really love writing it so I’ve been dragging it out. HOWEVER, the end is approaching.
> 
> Again thank you all so much for your comments and kudos! I APPRECIATE Y’ALL.


	9. Logical explanations for everything

Private Chat: Rick and Summer

Rick: Morty knows.

Summer: knows what??

Rick: Jesus Summer use your brain.

Summer: finally!!

Rick: Convince him that he’s wrong. I tried, but he won’t let it go.

Summer: ... hold up

Summer: he finally knows about your feelings and your not happy about that??

Rick: Summer don’t you see how fucked up the situation is?! I’M HIS GRANDFATHER!

Summer: u didn’t have a prob with that before tho??

Rick: Of course I did, dumbass!

Rick: But now that he knows, I don’t know if I can keep myself under control. Especially since he seems okay with it. It’s bad.

Summer: i still dont see the prob

Rick: The PROB is that it’s incest, Summer. And that I’m like 3 times his age.

Summer: rnt you working on smth to like halt ur aging 

Rick: That doesn’t change the fact that I’m his grandpa. His mother is the product of my loins.

Summer: ew um ok pls never say loins again

Summer: ill talk to morty

-

Private Chat: Morty and Summer 

Summer: so you found out about ricks feelings towards u

Morty: uhhh 

Morty: you knew????

Summer: lol i know like everything 

Summer: anyway talk to him. Have a srious conversation w him about it. Or else hes not gonna do anything 

Morty: wait ur ok w this???

Summer: morty this is all honestly such old news to me like u and rick have been gushing at eachother 4ever

Summer: ive known about this shit for months 

Summer: Rick wants me to convince you to let it go but its only bc hes afraid 

Summer: its kinda cute lol bc hes never afraid of anything 

Morty: wait u & rick TALK about this????

Summer: jealous? ;]

Morty: ):<

Morty: ok but what do I say??? Ive been trying to talk to him but he deflects everything

Morty: hes honestly being a jerk abt it

Summer: try txting him, less stressful 

Morty: ok, ill try when he’s done being such a dick :/ might take a few days

Summer: lmk how it goes 

Morty: kk

-~-~-~

Family Chat

Rick: Where the fuck is Morty? He’s supposed to be helping me with something and he’s not answering his goddamn phone.

Summer: hes hanging out w dad today 

Rick: Fucking losers.

>Morty added Jerry Smith to Family Chat<

Jerry: U GUYS HAV E A FAMILY CHAT WITHOUT ME?!

Rick: WHAT THE FUCK, MORTY?? 

Summer: MORTY WHY TF DID U ADD HIM

Jerry: HE didnt even add me!!! my own son didnt even add me to a group chat 4 family 

Jerry: he left his phone on the table when he left for the bathroom so I looked at it and saw this cht 

Rick: DID YOU SNOOP THROUGH HIS FUCKING PHONE

Rick: I WILL GO OVER THERE RIGHT NOW AND KICK YOUR ASS JERRY

Rick: PUT MORTY’S PHONE DOWN

Jerry: rick i only added myself to this and then put it away, why r you so angry?

Rick: WHY AM I ANGRY???

Rick: I’ll tell you why I’m angry, Jerry.

Rick: I’m angry that you impregnated my daughter and practically forced her to stay with you because of that.

Rick: I’m angry that you infect everyone around you with an exorbitant amount of stupidity.

Rick: I’m angry that you decided to invade Morty’s phone without his knowledge.

Rick: I’m angry that you didn’t think that there was a REASON why we didn’t add you to this chat in the first place.

Jerry: well why didnt you add me??? :(

Rick: BECAUSE NONE OF US LIKE YOU JERRY.

Summer: yeah srsly ur kinda a killjoy

Beth: Why do I always have to come back to chaos after surgery =___=

Rick: Oh thank god, Beth can you please remove your scum of an ex-husband from this chat?

Morty: ok im so sorry that i left my phone out

Morty: he didnt go through it rick

Beth: Okay, I just have ONE question. Why is Rick so concerned about Jerry going through Morty’s phone???

Morty: um

Summer: >v>

Beth: ????

Rick: Why aren’t you concerned, Beth? Do you really trust that moronic piece of shit to not fuck up Morty’s private life by going through his phone?

Jerry: judging by what i saw, UR doing a good job at fucking up mortys private life, rick

Rick: What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Jerry?

Summer: Dad stfu you seriously have no idea what you’re talking about

Morty: hes not talking about that, I deleted the conversations I had with you two

Beth: what conversations???

Jerry: what r u guys talking about?? 

Morty: >...>

Summer: uhhhhhb What are YOU talking about ?

Jerry: I was talking about how RICK makes morty miss school and stuff to go on adventures!!

Morty: oh ok

Beth: What conversations are you guys talking about??

Rick: What do you mean?

Summer: Yeah, What are you talking about Mom??

Morty: Idk what conversations you’re takjhing about Mom

Morty: talking*

Jerry: maybe rick shouldn’t be trusted around Morty, Beth.

Jerry: what if they’re a lot closer than we think????

Jerry: Rick is probably a pervert who has been taking avantage of our weak-willed son this whole time

Rick: Fuck you, Jerry! Morty may be an idiot, but he’s NOT weak-willed.

Morty: ... rick are you.... defending me?

Rick: wow how observant morty you deserve a metal for being able to process sensory information at such a professional level

Jerry: i dont see anybody denying what ive said! 

>Beth has removed Jerry Smith from Family Chat<

Beth: so done with his stupidity right now 

Rick: YES FINALLY

Summer: rick why didn’t you just delete him 

Rick: I don’t have the privilege.

Beth: I don’t trust my father with the permission to add and delete people

Rick: Yeah love you too sweetie


	10. fuck, morty.

Private Chat: Morty and Rick

Morty: hey rick

Rick: What do you want, Morty?

Morty: I wanna have a conversation with you

Rick: Pass. Sounds lame.

Morty: ok, well, im gonna say what i need to say. whether u respond to it or not is up to you.

Rick: fuck are we really doing this right now I just ran out of vodka

 

Rick: Jesus Christ Morty you’re still typing? It’s been 5 minutes.

 

Rick: I swear to god Morty if I have to read a page of your horrible texting grammar I will shoot myself.

 

Morty: Ok rick, here’s how it is: i really like you. Its been this way for at least a year, I think. And i know how fucked up it is, i know how fucked up you are, and i dont care. I dont care that you have attachment issues and a drinking problem and that you dont process human emotion like other people. I love all of those things about you, bc its what makes you you. You cant lecture me about morals or what is and isnt right bc you blow up planets and destroy civilizations for a fucking living. Dont act like my feelings arent valid just because im young, im as valid as u are. Idk how to get it into ur thick, stupid head that I LIKE YOU. ur just gonna have to grow up and accept that.

Rick: Horrible grammar.

-~-

Family Chat

Beth: how aboutChinese for dinner again? Too tired to coook

Summer: lmao ur too tired to even txt

Rick: And yet her grammar is much better than you kids’.

Beth: Chinese or no?

Summer: tbh I could go for some orange chicken

Morty: Chinese sounds awesome

Rick: fuck it, go without me.

Summer: what’s wrong, rick? Are u too good for Chinese food? Is it not VALID enough for you??

Rick: Jesus fucking Christ really Summer 

Rick: Do you and Morty talk about fucking everything together?

Beth: Okay well if you want Chinese then meet at the door in 5 min 

Morty: you cant break a familial bond, rick. Summer and I are tight

Rick: YOU’RE the ones that want ME to break a bond

Summer: would it be breaking it or making it stronger??

Rick: Summer, since when does sex make any bond stronger? In my experience, it just complicates shit and breaks hearts.

Summer: whose heart r u worried about breaking?

Beth: You know Jerry and I had been having issues in bed for a looooong time before we split up 

Morty: Uh ew mom tmi

Summer: ya Mom wtf I don’t wanna hear about u and dads sex life

Beth: well idk what you guys are talking about but when it comes to sex and feelings, you never know if it will or won’t work out until you try it. 

Summer: ^^^^^^

Morty: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Summer: >v>

Morty: >V>

Rick: fucking hate this family

-

Private Chat: Rick and Summer

Rick: You were SUPPOSED to talk Morty OUT of liking me

Summer: Rick youre fucking stupid. Like legit youre the biggest idiot here. I always thought that u were a genius, but this whole thing has proven that ur just as dumb as the rest of us. Do u think if feelings could just be PERSUADED away, that u would still have YOUR feelings??

Rick: I hate that you guys keep saying ‘feelings.’ It makes it sound romantic, which it isn’t. At all.

Summer: We’re leaving for chinese food soon, come with us

Rick: I don’t want to be stuck at a table with you idiots.

Summer: Mom is worried that you’re isolating urself again. Or are you too afraid to confront Morty?

Rick: I’m not afraid of shit.. Except pirates.

Summer: then prove it and get your old ass over here

-~

Private Chat: Morty and Rick

Rick: Morty.

Rick: Stop.

Morty: stop what rick??

Rick: Stop kicking me under the table.

Morty: kicking? Idk what ur talking about

Rick: Okay, stop CARESSING me with your fucking foot.

 

Rick: I’m serious Morty.

 

Rick: fucking stop

 

Rick: I’ll kick you.

 

Morty: RICK YOU ASSHOLE!!!! That hurt a LOT!!! D,:

Morty: I should tell Mom 

Rick: yeah run to your fucking mommy like the baby you are

Rick: because all you do in life is rely on everybody else older than you

Rick: you’re mistaking familial dependency for romantic love, Morty.

Morty: you know rick you might be right.

Morty: i could just be super reliant on you and thats why i think i like you. i might just feel the same way about you as i so about the rest of my family 

Morty: oh but wait

Morty: i dont jack off to my parents or summer

Rick: Stop letting Summer read your texts. Beth is getting suspicious that we’re all on our phones. 

Morty: You started it, rick.

Rick: When the fuck did you get so sassy?

Morty: learned it all from you, grandpa.

Morty: i think about it at night while im in bed

Rick: Stop.

Morty: just think about it rick

Rick: I’m not going to, Morty. You know why? Because I’m not some horny little virgin.

Rick: You’re too sensitive to think clearly about this shit.

Morty: am I rick?

Rick: Please, Morty, I was a horny kid once too. I could probably make you come right here in front of everyone by rubbing my foot against your crotch. THAT’S how sensitive you are.

Morty: i bet u cant do it

Rick: Dont make this into a challenge morty 

Morty: geez rick my pants sure are uncomfortable

Rick: I bet they are morty. 

Rick: I bet theyre feelin real tight

Morty: can you help me grandpa?

Rick: fuck, morty.

Rick: No. eat youur fucking Chinese food and put your phone away. This discussion is over.

Morty: Whatever rick


	11. Rick dun fucked up

Private Chat: Beth and Rick

Beth: Dad, what did you do to Morty??

Rick: I didn’t do shit.

Beth: I heard him and Summer talking in Summer’s room. Morty was crying and I heard him say “rick hates me, Summer!”

Rick: did you hear more of the conversation

Beth: I didn’t want to eavesdrop. I’m a decent person, you know!!

Beth: but whatever you did, fix it. An unhappy Morty is an annoying Morty.

Rick: Don’t say that.

Rick: ANY Morty is an annoying Morty.

Beth: just fix it rick.

-~-~-

Family Chat

Summer: anyone know where Morty is??

Beth: no.. he isn’t in bed? It’s 11pm 

Summer: hes not in bed and hes not answering my calls or texts

Beth: Maybe Rick has him??

Rick: Nope. I’m in the garage.

Summer: wtf

Beth: maybe he’s at a friends house

Summer: Mom

Summer: he diesnt have friends

Beth: well... did you ask Jerry?

Summer: ugh no, ill do that now i guess

-

Private Chat: Jerry and Summer

Summer: hey dad do you know where morty is

Jerry: hes here... why? 

Summer: god dammit

Summer: he didnt tell anyone he was leaving the house

Jerry: hes pretty upset.. did something happen?

Summer: he and rick had a fight earlier today while on a mission, he’ll be fine

Jerry: rick seems to ruin a lot of things...

Summer: tell morty i love him

Jerry: ok... Love you Summer 

-

Family Chat

Summer: hes at dads

Beth: at least he’s safe

Rick: are you fucking kidding me 

Rick: he ran away to Jerry’s

Summer: yes he did rick.

Rick: Christ

-

Private Chat: Morty and Rick

Rick: Morty, did you REALLY run away to Jerry’s?!

Morty: fuck off rick

Rick: I was in the heat of the moment, Morty. I didn’t mean what I said.

Morty: im just done, rick. im done with you, im done with us, im done with it all. just leave me alone.

Rick: You’re DONE?! What the fuck does that mean, Morty?

Rick: You’re done with the adventures?

 

Rick: Answer me, Morty.

 

Rick: I’ll come over there Morty.

 

Rick: you know what fuck you too Morty. 

Rick: It’s not like I need you fucking up the adventures anyway.

-~

Private Chat: Rick and Summer

Summer: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!

Rick: Fuck off, Summer.

Rick: I don’t need you guys whining at me every minute of the fucking day.

Summer: Rick, I thought you loved Morty.

Rick: Well you thought wrong summer

Summer: fuck you, rick.


	12. Make up or get out

Family Chat

Beth: what do you guys want for dinner?

Beth: I feel like that’s always my opening line =__=

Summer: hmmmmmmm pizza?

Rick: I vote pizza

Beth: you always vote pizza

Rick: Pizza is the SHIT, Beth!

>Morty Smith left Family Chat<

Beth: ???

Beth: rick what did you do

Rick: Not my fault. Maybe he hates pizza now.

Summer: Rick it is 100% your fault

Beth: what did rick do?

Summer: I only got parts of the story because Morty was CRYING about it, but I think that the main thing that hurt him the most was when rick said “you fucking stuttering idiot, I should have left you back there to die”

Rick: If Morty hadn’t fucked up the whole operation, then we would have been fine.

Beth: rick

Beth: you know his stutter is his biggest insecurity

Rick: I stutter when I’m drunk but you don’t see me getting all teary eyed about it.

Summer: But you also said that he should have died. That’s pretty fucked up.

>Beth added Morty Smith to Family Chat<

>Beth removed Rick Sanchez from Family Chat<

Beth: I would rather you be here than him, Morty. <3

Summer: Yeah, fuck rick.

Summer: you okay Morty?

 

Beth: Morty?

 

Summer: I don’t think he’s gonna answer :/

Beth: ):

-~-~-~

Private Chat: Morty and Rick

Rick: Had a GREAT time at Blips and Chitz today!

Rick: You should’ve been there Morty.

Rick: There’s this new game where you’re supposed to ride a flying elephant-like creature through a dark matter storm in space while also trying to avoid an enemy armada

Rick: oh also your character is half blind so the visuals cut out sporadically. Anything can happen in that time. 

Rick: It’s literally THE most difficult game there. I had to wait in line for 3 hours to get a shot at it.

Rick: But, you know, I WON, because that’s how amazing I am.

Morty: If you send me one more message ill block you. im not in the mood to talk to someone who wants me dead, especially not at 2 in the morning. 

 

Rick: Jesus, Morty! You know why I said that shit? Of course you don’t, because you can’t see past the surface of anything. You can’t read between the fucking lines. I said all of that because I was fucking scared, MORTY. I was afraid that they were going to fucking kill you back there. Of course I didn’t mean shit when I said that I should’ve left you to die. I was trying to lecture you so that you would be more careful next time something like that happens.

Morty: well im sorry i stuttered, rick! its not like i asked to be like this! its not like i like having a fucking stutter!

Rick: I only insulted your stutter because you accidentally threatened the guy.

Morty: U KNOW I DIDNT MEAN FOR IT TO SOUND LIKE THAT

Rick: But HE didn’t know that, Morty!

Morty: well if my stutter is such a nuisance to u then i guess u dont need me around

Rick: Where the fuck did you learn how to spell nuisance??

Rick: Your stutter isn’t a nuisance, Morty. And neither are you. Come to the garage.

Morty: fuck you, im not going anywhere.

Rick: Then I’ll come up to your room.

Morty: no, rick.

Morty: just stop.

Morty: you made your feelings toward me very clear

Rick: Morty I haven’t said SHIT about my feelings.

Rick: I’ve NEVER told you how I fucking felt.

Morty: then how DO you feel, Rick??

 

 

Morty: yeah, that’s what i thought.

-~-~

Private Chat: Beth and Rick

Beth: I thought I told you to make up with Morty 

Rick: Not my problem.

Beth: its a problem, and you created it, so it is YOUR problem. 

Rick: Beth, it’s bigger than just me insulting Morty, okay? You don’t understand.

Beth: I understand that you broke my son’s heart. Now fix it.

Rick: like I said, it’s not my problem. 

Beth: then I’m making it your problem.

Beth: you make things right by the end of the week or I’m kicking you out and you’ll never see morty or summer again 

Rick: Christ Beth, really? 

Rick: What if HE doesn’t want this fixed?

Beth: Not my problem. Figure it out.


	13. I love you dangerously.

Private Chat: Morty and Summer 

Summer: hey

Morty: hi sum

Summer: wanna go to a party? Plenty of hot chicks there!!

Summer: and hot dudes

Summer: lots of hot people

Morty: nah im good 

Morty: Thank u tho

Summer: oh ok.. no prob lil bro

Summer: so how are u

Morty: im fine

Summer: ok

Summer: well Im here if u need anything

Morty: thanks

-~-

Family Chat

Beth: so I hate to bring this up...

Beth: but has ANYBODY seen rick?

Beth: I haven’t seen him since I talked to him a few days ago. His ship has been gone too.

Morty: hes probably off on some planet raving and doing drugs 

Beth: Is there any way to track him down?

Morty: the chances of finding him are close to none. he has too many party spots.

Beth: hmmmph okay.

-

Private Chat: Beth and Rick

Beth: youve been gone for days.. does this mean that you’re giving up on making up with Morty?

Beth: it is Sunday you know. It’s your last day.

 

Beth: hello?? Don’t ignore me, Dad. 

 

 

Beth: fine, do what you want. You never think of anyone but yourself.

-~-~-~

Private Chat: Rick and Summer

Rick: Sum Sum.

Summer: what

Rick: I’m 13 hours from Earth and my portal gun is dead. Can you apologize to Morty for me since I can’t be there before tomorrow.

Summer: uummm no??? Do it yourself rick jfc. I’m at a party anyway. 

Rick: Didn’t he block me?

Summer: no, he likes you too much for that. 

Rick: Okay, whatever, fuck.

-~-

Private Chat: Morty and Rick

Rick: Morty.

Rick: You’re probably asleep, whatever, it’s late. You’ll see these in the morning.

 

Rick: Okay, Morty, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for insulting you and all that shit. I shouldn’t have said what I said. It was a shitty thing to do. You’re family, you’re my grandson, and I love you. But there’s a problem, Morty. I love you dangerously. I don’t want my love to be restricted by pats on the shoulder and inside jokes. I wanna go all the fucking way with you, Morty. I wanna go to dinner and make out in the ship and have shitty sex in the middle of nowhere. I wanna deal with all of your slow, sloppy foreplay because you’re a fucking virgin. I wanna smoke weed with you and fuck you over a shitty alien motel bed with stained sheets and mold in the fucking bathroom.

Rick: But I’m not good for you, Morty. That’s why I didn’t want to say anything. I won’t stop giving you shit, I’m not getting any younger, and I’m into some kinky ass things, Morty. I don’t wanna hurt you. You deserve to be in a normal fucking relationship, have kids, and grow old with someone. It won’t be the same with me. We’d have to hide it from EVERYONE. We’d be fucked if we were caught.

Morty: who says we can’t have kids together? We could adopt

Rick: Morty you realize that your mom would be both the grandmother and the sister of our kid. Our child would be half my kid and half my great grandkid. Our child would be half your kid and half your aunt/uncle.

Morty: I love you too rick.

Rick: How about when I manage to make it to Earth, we go get food somewhere?

Morty: Like a date?? 

Rick: like I’m having food with my grandson

Morty: it’s a date. 

Rick: Night Morty.

Morty: goodnight rick <3


	14. Meatloaf is marinated vomit

Private Chat: Morty and Rick

Morty: rick

 

Morty: grandpa

Morty: grandfather

Morty: gramps

Morty: grandpapa

Morty: pappy

Morty: paps

Morty: abuelo

Rick: stop trying to sext me at the dinner table

Morty: Im not!!!! Omg

Morty: i was trying to get ur attention because you won’t look at me

Rick: I’m trying to act normal in front of your MOTHER.

Morty: anyway do you wanna go to mcdonalds after this?

Rick: Morty we’re eating dinner right now.

Morty: I know, but i dont like meatloaf... :/

Rick: Yeah me neither. We’ll hit McDonalds after Beth gets distracted with the fucking Bachelor later.

Morty: yay! Your the best!

Rick: you’re*

Morty: -__-

Morty: did u hear there bringing back seshuawn sauce

Rick: Jesus Morty it’s “they’re” and fucking “Szechuan”

Rick: why the FUCK would you spell it “seshuawn”?!

Morty: Okay rick geez you’re totally missing the point

Rick: yeah I heard Mcdonald’s tried to bring it back for a day, but failed because their upper management didn’t account for the fact that people actually LIKE the sauce.

Morty: but theyre bringing it back in bigger supply soon arent they

Rick: Yep. We’re going to take all of it.

Morty: ALL of it?

Rick: ALLLLL of it. 

Morty: ur obsessed

Rick: it’s good fucking sauce Morty.

-~

Private Chat: Morty and Summer

Summer: are u guys at mcdonalds 

Morty: we are now, yeah.. why?

Summer: can u bring me back a big mac 

Summer: and fries

Summer: and a large dr pepper 

Summer: make it a diet dr pepper 

Summer: not a fan of meatloaf lmao

Morty: lol yeah I’ll tell rick

Summer: ty. how are u guys btw?

Morty: good!!!! I mean its only been a couple of days since he opened up to me, but so far its been nice. 

Summer: you guys fuck yet

Morty: omg summer!!! 

Morty: no we havent 

Summer: DO IT

Morty: OMG SUMMER

Morty: ur trying to encourage your brother to have sex with our grandpa isnt that weird

Summer: oh yeah its totally fucked up but ive accepted it

Morty: ttyl, Rick’s getting mad that im not paying astrenufon to his ranting about Terubulan cheese

Morty: attention* wow

Summer: lmao ok, see u later

-~-

Family Chat

Beth: who got mcdonalds?? I can smell it

Rick: I did

Morty: me and rick

Rick: dammit morty I was trying to take the full blame for this

Morty: oh..

Summer: wow rick u actually tried to be noble

Beth: u guys didnt like the meatloaf? :/

Morty: sorry mom...

Rick: It’s nothing against you, sweetie. It’s the meatloaf. Meatloaf fucking sucks balls.

Beth: -.- gee thanks Dad

Beth: I thought you liked meatloaf?

Rick: No that shit is like eating cooked vomit marinated in diluted ketchup 

Summer: ur gonna make me puke

Morty: kinda accurate tho

Beth: >~<

Beth: ok, never making meatloaf again.

Rick: GOOD

Beth: Morty, Summer, go to bed!! It’s late!!

Summer: mom

Summer: its 10

Beth: its late

Summer: ur getting so old

Rick: Being old has nothing to do with it. Even I don’t sleep this early.

Beth: yeah, because you sleep during the day.

Rick: Nothing to do during the day.

Summer: You only think that because mortys at school during the day. 

Rick: Space adventure isn’t fun without Morty.

Morty: awwww!!!

Rick: I need his dumb brain wavelengths to cancel mine out. Without him I may as well be screaming about my presence to everyone around me. Makes sensitive jobs reeeeaaaall difficult. 

Morty: wow thanks grandpa

Rick: No problem grandson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple things people have asked about!  
> 1.) The end is SOON, but it is not yet nigh.  
> 2.) I will not be switching to descriptive writing during this fic.


	15. Bukkake with a pot of diarrhea

Family Chat

>Beth removed Morty Smith from Family Chat<

>Beth added Jerry Smith to Family Chat<

>Beth renamed Family Chat to ‘Morty B-Day Plans’<

Beth: what do you guys think we should do for Morty’s 16th birthday?

Summer: how long until his bday again?

Rick: Five days and thirteen hours 

Summer: so it’s next Wednesday

Jerry: yay im in a chat with u guys!!!

Rick: Don’t push your luck, Jerry.

Jerry: ^_^

Summer: LMAO RICK Morty’s bday is on HUMP day

Jerry: how is that funny?

Rick: I know a great restaurant we could all go to (not Jerry).

Summer: How far away?

Rick: Thirty minutes in the ship

Rick: approximately

Summer: why do u spell out the numbers 

Summer: it’s so extra

Rick: It’s methodic mental association, Summer. Psychological pathways between mental definitions of measurable ideas and shit. 

Summer: so extra

Beth: is it a nice restaurant?

Rick: It’s fucking amazing, Beth.

Rick: I took Morty there a few months ago and he almost came in his pants when he bit into a nice hot flixten. The food there is fucking delicious.

Jerry: thats sort of inappropriate rick

Beth: yeeeaaaaahh tmi

Rick: I’ll invite Birdperson

Beth: does Morty like him?

Rick: Of course Morty likes Birdperson, Beth, Jesus Christ!

Rick: Do you even pay attention to your son’s life?

Beth: evidently not as much as you do

Summer: lmao so what about squanchy

Rick: Big N O. Last time Morty and Squanchy were in the same room, they ended up in a huge ass argument about fucking moral values concerning insect people.

Rick: Huge mood killer if you ask me.

Summer: lol ook

Jerry: and this is all safe?

Rick: Don’t be such a fucking skeptic, Jerry. 

Jerry: i just dont think ur the safest person around here

Rick: Shut the fuck up Jerry

Rick: Morty loves me more than he will ever love any of you.

Summer: >v>

Beth: >...> ? Im his MOTHER

Jerry: how do you know that, Rick??

Rick: Wednesday at Zxcorvi it is

Summer: how the f do you pronounce that

Rick: Exactly how it’s spelt, Summer. Jesus.

Summer: =__=

-

Private Chat: Morty and Beth

Morty: why did you kick me out of the family chat??? ::(((

Beth: we’re talking about ur bday 

Morty: oh. cool!!

Morty: is it ok if i invite someone from school?

Beth: you wanna invite someone from school!!?? WHAAAATTT????

Morty: -__- ya i do

Beth: well, we’re going to some alien restaurant rick suggested, so as long as your friend is ok with that, then go ahead 

Morty: What restaurant?? >.>

Beth: it’s a surprise ;)

Morty: oookk

-

Morty B-Day Plans

Beth: mortys gonna invite a friend

Rick: Morty doesn’t have friends 

Summer: LOL 

Summer: he must mean Robin

Rick: Who the fuck is Robin?

Summer: Lmfao she’s the girl that’s been helping Morty in biology

Summer: Ive met her, she’s nice. Total nerd tho

Rick: I’ve never heard anything about this, what the fuck!

Jerry: does morty need to tell you everything about his life??

Rick: Yes.

Beth: well I told him to go ahead and invite his friend

Summer: cool! can I bring my bf?? :)

Jerry: uhhh

Rick: Gross

Beth: no.

Summer: :(

-~

Private Chat: Morty and Rick

Rick: Morty who the fuck is Robin?

Morty: oh, shes a friend from school 

Rick: Why have I never heard of her?

Morty: idk??? you never show an interest in my school life

Morty: plus it was never relevant

Rick: You talk about irrelevant mierda todo el tiempo, Mortimer.

Morty: well, whatever!

Morty: what alien restaurant did you decide we’re going to?

Rick: No spoilers, Mort.

Morty: rick if you picked that shitty jurdo place im never talking to you again

Rick: What the fuck, Morty? Even I’m not cruel enough to make somebody go to Jurdo for a second goddamn time.

Morty: it was so bad

Rick: Their gravy tasted like they took a bunch of old sweaty guys and had a hardcore bukkake session with a pot of steamed diarrhea, and let it sit there for three and a half fucking weeks before serving it up on a fucking platter.

Morty: Jesus rick you really thought a lot about that didnt you

Rick: I have a very erratic imagination, Morty.

Morty: a very erotic one too

Rick: ;)

Morty: >_(\

-~-~

Private Chat: Rick and Summer

Summer: any special private plans for mortys 16th??

Rick: Summer why are you so interested in where your grandfather’s dick is going? Isn’t that sort of fucking weird?

Summer: I’m going to pretend that your NOT trying to make that argument with me rn

Summer: soooo? Any plans?

Rick: For your information, Summer, I’m trying to go sort of slow here.

Summer: aaaaaaaawwwe

Rick: I just want to make sure Morty won’t accuse me of rape or anything 

Summer: oooohhheeww

Summer: rick I’m sure he wont 

Rick: Can never be too careful, Sum. 

Summer: well you should do SOMETHING for his birthday! Have you guys even kissed at all or anything??

Rick: Negative. Again, taking it slow.

Summer: SUPER slow

Rick: I make ONE move at him, and I can be charged with sexual assault. I really don’t want to deal with that. Beth will give me so much shit about it.

Summer: jfc 

Rick: Morty’s too much of a fucking virgin to make a move, so I guess we’re waiting it out.

Summer: until when?

Rick: Don’t know. His eighteenth birthday maybe.

Summer: your gonna wait 18 yrs

Summer: omfg 2 years***

Summer: im trying to watch netflix and i had a brain fart don’t judge me

Rick: Oh don’t worry, there’s no way I WON’T judge you.

-

Morty B-Day Plans

Jerry: so how have u all been

Summer: but anyway grandpa why don’t u try sexting him? You wont lay a finger on him and the convo can be deleted so no one would find out

Summer: OMG FML

Summer: REALLY DAD REALLY U HAD TO SEND A TEXT NOW OF ALL TIMES

Rick: Jesus Christ Summer would it hurt you to look at WHO you’re texting right before you send the message?

Summer: waaaaaay too much work

Jerry: wait, who r u sexting rick??

Rick: none of your fucking business Jerry

Beth: ugh tmi tmi tmi

Beth: wait WHY are you talking about this sort of thing with my daughter??

Jerry: ya!!! wtf rick?? thats perverted!!

Summer: guys it’s not what u think he just needs advice bc hes old and hes trying to seduce a younger boy w/o being accused of rape

Rick: Summer 

Rick: I think you just made this situation 1000000 times worse 

Summer: ok I realize how this seems but its actually not THAT creepy

Jerry: RICK IS A PEDOPHILE NOW????

Beth: omg guys why cant we just have a normal group conversation for once

Jerry: beth dont u see how fucked up ur dad is??? wtf!!!!

>Beth removed Jerry Smith from Morty B-Day Plans<

Rick: VICTORY

Beth: did you guys say all that just so jerry would get annoying enough for me to remove him??

Summer: yes

Rick: absolutely

Summer: 100%

Rick: Indubitably correct, Beth.

Beth: =___=

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update guys!!! College has been hectic for me, so free time is getting more and more difficult to come by. Thanks so much for staying tuned!


	16. Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but sweet. Hope you like. I’ll upload again SOON.

Morty B-Day Plans

Beth: anybody else sorta scared that rick is putting so much effort into this??

Summer: ikr lol he just got done going table to table telling people to tell morty happy birthday whenever they see him

Beth: really?? Omg

Summer: how long until rick is portal-ing Morty here?

Rick: One hour and twenty-three minutes

Rick: Summer go tell the cook not to serve any glanp today. I forgot to do that.

Summer: but why tho, the cook scares me he keeps yelling at people

Rick: Morty’s allergic.

Rick: And Beth make sure that the guy up front knows not to let any Tranatic Nuplics in here. Morty is afraid of them hahahaha.

Beth: is it bad that I’m troubled about how much I don’t know about my own son

Rick: Also if you guys see ANY litzzs on the floor, let me know. Morty is also allergic to those. Sometimes the Peronian Jurrs track them in on their shoes. Dumbasses.

Summer: wtf is a litzzs

Rick: [New Picture Message! Content title: Litzz Plant Leaves]

Beth: they look like cockroaches... but they’re leaves?

Rick: Yeah they suck, one time a litzz got latched onto Morty’s arm and I was seriously debating just chopping his arm off. By the time I got it off he had a rash from an allergic reaction that reached all the way to his face.

Rick: It was gross

Summer: wow lmao ok

Beth: ugh summer can you please talk to your father to distract him from trying to talk to aliens 

Summer: >:|

Beth: he keeps making them angry!!!

Rick: Told you we should’ve left him at a fucking daycare.

-~-~

Private Chat: Morty and Rick

Morty: omfg I still can not believe that you did all of this Rick

Rick: You know, I’d prefer it if you said “cannot” instead of “can not”

Morty: arent they the same??

Rick: Not really.

Rick: “Cannot” is more definite. There’s no room for discussion on that one. But if you say “can not,” then there’s doubt.

Morty: rick Im trying to have a good time and this grammar lesson isn’t helping

Rick: just trying to educate my dear grandson

Rick: Now put your phone away, Beth is looking at you. 

Morty: fine <3

-

Private Chat: Rick and Summer

Summer: great job today rick, Morty looks like he’s hanging the time of his life lol 

Summer: having*

Rick: Yeah, well, you only get one sixteenth birthday.

Summer: soooooo??? ne plans after this?

Rick: Summer.

Rick: It is taking all of my willpower not to erase the memory of you actually texting “ne” to mean “any”

Rick: That is the LOWEST of the low when it comes to texting

Rick: It is the scum of texts

Rick: It’s disgusting

Summer: soooooooo???? ANY PLANS WITH MORTY AFTER THIS??

Rick: Maybe.

Rick: And I’m not meaning that as a “maaaayybeee ;;))” I’m meaning it as a “maybe.” 

Summer: omfg I can just picture your face doing the maaaayybeee ;;))

Summer: so cute

Rick: =___=

Summer: well I support u 2 so good luck w whatever you do w morty

Rick: Wow thanks Summer really means a lot that you’re supportive of sexual acts between an old man and his underage grandson

Summer: rick u know how many kudos this thing has

Summer: a LOT of ppl are supportive

Rick: sick fucks


	17. for sum fuk?

Morty B-Day Plans

>Beth renamed Morty B-Day Plans to ‘Family Chat’<

>Beth added Morty Smith to Family Chat<

Morty: Gracias

Rick: De nada.

Beth: =___= really dad

Beth: Youre welcome Morty

Summer: GRANDPA

Rick: SUMMER

Summer: YOU DRANK

Summer: THE GODDAMN

Beth: Lamguage!!!!!

Summer: ORANGE JUICE

Beth: language* oops lol

Morty: Again??

Summer: YES AGAIN

Rick: I get fucking thirsty.

Rick: Do you expect me to suffer from dehydration when there’s orange juice in the fridge?

Summer: |:<

Summer: at least BUY MORE after you drink it!!

Rick: Yeah, but you see Summer, that’s just too much work.

Morty: omg

 

Rick: I would have to get in my ship, turn her on (and not in the fun way), wait for her to warm up a bit (again, not in the fun way), drive all the way to the store, find that SPECIFIC brand of orange juice since you morons hate any other brand, go to the front counter and deal with the cashier’s bullshit about the weather, get back in my ship, drive all the way back here, and put the orange juice in the fridge for one of you kids to have a glass every few days or so, and god forbid I have a drop.

Morty: run on sentence

Rick: Morty shut the fuck up you don’t even text in sentences at all.

Morty: lawl

Rick: Morty I FUCKING SWEAR if you text that shit one more time I will block you

Morty: ok ok geez!!!

Beth: Dad, from now on you’ll be buying a new thing of orange juice every week.

Rick: Pass

Beth: I’ll kick you out.

Rick: Elder abuse 

Summer: rolling my eyes so hard rn

Morty: naranja jugo estan bien

Rick: Morty, again, shut the fuck up.

Rick: That was just horrible

Rick: Crawl back into your mother’s vagina until you’re done being a fucking idiot

Morty: D,:

Beth: Ouch, no

Rick: Christ

Rick: I gotta bleach my eyes

Morty: can someone pick me up from school

 

Beth: what???

Morty: yeah...

Morty: u said youd pick me up after school but 

Summer: LOL

Beth: MORTY WHY DIDNT YOU CALL ME IT’S 6PM

Morty: i thought you were, idk, busy 

Summer: IM DEAD

Summer: MOM YOU RLY FORGOT ABOUT MORTY HOLY SHIT

Beth: D: Im so sorry honey!!!

Beth: ill come get you i just need to find my keys

Morty: sorry, its just raining a lot, and i dont wanna get sick again

Morty: I think I have cold-PTSD from that alien cold I got

Summer: from licking the bench lmfao

Morty: ;-;

Morty: oh wait mom dont leave the house

Beth: ??

Morty: rick is already here

Beth: HOW??? 

Summer: omg Rick’s better at parenting than u rn

Beth: What was that Summer? You wanna be grounded? Is that what you just said.

Summer: ma’am no ma’am mrs. mom ma’am

Beth: that’s what I thought

-~-~

Private Chat: Morty and Summer

Summer: so r u EVER gonna tell me what happened w you and rick on ur bday or 

Morty: oh idk

Summer: I wanna know!!!!!

Summer: it’s been a week morty can’t u tell me

Morty: 乁( ⁰͡ Ĺ̯ ⁰͡ ) ㄏ

Summer: >:(

Summer: did anything happen at ALL?

Summer: did you guys do the DO??

Summer: like idek 

Summer: and i wanna know

Summer: im supposed to know things dammit

Morty: gee summer i didnt know u were so interested in my sex life

Morty: w our grandpa

Summer: I just dont like not knowing things

Summer: im the one who caught on to you guys feelings before either of you did

Morty: brb rick and I are going to some alien planet

Summer: for sum fuk?

Morty: for some drugs that are worth, like, a ton of schmeckles

Morty: rick said if we get enough of the plants that produce the drug then we’d be able to buy a whole planet with the profits

Summer: wtf I want in on this 

Morty: sorry, he just kinda drags me along w him and explains the mission later on

Morty: next time

Summer: ok 

Summer: I expect details about ur bday night soon >:|


	18. WHAT HAPPENED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love how you guys have been flippin about how sexual intimacies are going to be explained in this story. IT’LL BE OKAY! SHHHHH

Private Chat: Morty and Summer

Summer: so its been a long time, are you gonna tell me wat happened

Morty: ehh

Morty: nothing really happened tbh

Morty: i mean, we made out

Summer: OMG 

Summer: HOW IS THAT NOTHING

Morty: ok let me explain

Morty: we were in the ship, and went out to a part of space where there was this really pretty purple nebula in front of us

Summer: SO ROMANTIC OMFG

Morty: we talked for a while, then he started kissing me. It was nice even tho his mouth tasted like whiskey

Summer: gross lmao

Morty: we kissed for a long time but then his phone rang. he ignored it, but then my phone rang, and it was mom so I answered it

Summer: omg she totally cockblocked you guys

Morty: i know, she told me to make it home before 10

Summer: ya, bc she made a cake, I remember

Morty: and bc i has school the next day

Morty: had*

Morty: so we had to stop there and hurry home

Summer: damn

Summer: have you guys done anything since then?

Morty: we try, but someone or something ALWAYS interrupts us

Morty: it’s getting really fucking annoying

Summer: geez lol I can tell

Summer: is that why yiuve been in a bad mood

Summer: youre*

Summer: fml YOU’VE***

Morty: yeah kinda

Morty: plus I tried to hold rick’s hand the other day and he told me to stop being gay

Summer: omg

Morty: yeah

Summer: sorry thats just kinda funny

Morty: =___= it wasnt at the time

Summer: sorry little bro

Summer: just dont bang while im at home

Summer: i dont wanna hear that

Morty: LOL ill try

Summer: dont try, do

Morty: ok yoda 

Summer: wat

Morty: dont worry about it lol

Summer: oooooook

-~-~

Family Chat

Rick: dónde están mis zapatos

Beth: idk

Morty: shoes??

Morty: where are ur shoes?

Rick: your*

Summer: LOL your already getting alzeimers 

Rick: you’re* Alzheimer’s*

Summer: =__=

Summer: did poor grandpa forget where he put his shoes

Summer: do you need life alert

Summer: have you fallen and cannot get up

Rick: Summer shut the fuck up before I shove my bare foot in your ass

Beth: omg Dad

Morty: >__>

Summer: sorry im not into that lol

Summer: Morty’s the one with the foot fetish

Morty: SUMMER WTF

Rick: Yeah Morty’s into some weird shit

Rick: feet, old men, probably has a shame kink

Morty: RICK STOP IT!!!!

Morty: MOM IS IN THIS CHAT I DONT WANT HER SEEING THIS!!!!!!!!!

Beth: ...

Beth: just

Beth: Morty, just...

Beth: just be safe pls

Beth: know when to say no

Beth: use protection

Beth: do you need me to buy you condoms

Morty: N O 

Rick: space condoms are better

Summer: everything is better if it’s from space

Rick: Of course it is

Beth: anyway Morty just be safe please

Beth: do you need the talk?

Morty: mom!! No!!!

Morty: can we change the subject PLEASE???

Rick: Christ, you’re such a virgin, Morty.

Morty: whos fault is that???

Summer: WOOOOOHHHH

Rick: >..>

Beth: i dont even want to know


	19. Noots

Private Chat: Morty and Rick

Rick: How’s class

Morty: uhhh its good I guess? not much happening..

Morty: whyy?

Rick: Oh you know. I’m here at home. Alone. Nobody else in the whoooole house.

Rick: If you weren’t at school, we could have some fun.

Morty: >o>

Morty: why do you gotta say that when i have no choice about being here??

Morty: ur just tormenting me!!!

Rick: Man, Morty, we could’ve been as loud as we wanted. I could have fucked you over the dining room table.

Morty: riiiick Im in class!!

Rick: I could’ve bent you right over the table, your chest on the cool, smooth surface.

Morty: *o*

Rick: Spread your legs so I can devour your asshole with my tongue.

Morty: stop rick i dont wanna get an awkward boner in class

Rick: When you’re begging for it, all teary eyed like the fucking virgin you are, I’ll lube you up and slide my throbbing cock inside you.

Rick: send nudes babe

Morty: [New Picture Message! Content Title: hand]

Rick: mortimer 

Rick: as much as I love your little boy hands

Rick: that’s not what I meant by nude

Morty: Well I’m in class Rick what do you expect!!!

Rick: go to the bathroom and send me something

Morty: omg hold on

Rick: You bet your white ass I’m holding on Morty

Rick: holding on to my dick

Rick: can’t stop thinking about you babe

Rick: wish you would just quit school already

Morty: what do you want a picture of

Rick: I want from your collar bone to your thighs

Morty: uhhh ill try but its hard to hold the phone that far away

Rick: Angle it, Mort.

Morty: [New Picture Message! Content Title: nips 2 thighs]

Rick: Oh fuck baby

Rick: You’re already half hard

Rick: God you’re beautiful

Rick: Show me your tight ass babe

Morty: [New Picture Message! Content Title: spread butts]

Rick: Oh fuck yes

Rick: Baby I just want to pound you so hard right now in your tight little asshole

Rick: you know what

Rick: fuck this

Rick: I’m coming to get you. Get outside. We’re going home.

Morty: rick I cant skip class AGAIN, theyll call mom!

Rick: I don’t fucking care.

Rick: I’m going to come get you.

Rick: I’ll make it good babe.

Rick: I’ll suck you off in the ship. Go ahead and fuck my face, I have no gag reflex.

Morty: omg rick!!

Morty: cant u get arrested now bc u have child porn on ur phone??

Rick: shut up Morty don’t kill the fucking mood

Morty: xD

Rick: I’ll be there in 3 and a half minutes. Be outside and ready.

Morty: ok ok Im going

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all! ;)


End file.
